I'm in such a terrible rut and I don't know what to do. Christian is a typical 8 year old. He's very active and is somewhat hyper. Like I've said before, you can't expect much from a child of that age. Today, my husband encouraged me to take christian to run errands...just so him and i can have some time to bond. I'm the type of parent that likes to play it fair. Hayden's around that age when she wants to be included too and i hate to see her being left out of activities. In this case, however, i thought it was also a good time for her to spend time with Leo. So, I took christian and went to the grocery store. "stop hanging on the cart" I kept repeating every couple minutes. is he hard of hearing or something? I was getting a bit frustrated, but decided once we got out to the car, I was gonna talk to him and let him know that he needed to listen to me. he said okay and i thought, 'wow, only 30 minutes in gerbes?? let's go somewhere else, just to hang out'. so i took him to Aldi's. we just walked around there for about 10 minutes at the most and then walked out. i noticed hastings and asked him if he wanted to go in just to see what's going on in there. he was excited and we went on in. low and behold there were nintendo games, like the ones you see at wal-mart in the entertainment portion of the store. he was thrilled and asked to play. i said of course. i thought to myself, 'how great! we're both having fun, he's occupied and i'm not getting onto him!! :) for about 30-45 minutes of playing games, we decided to get Leo a present for his birthday on tuesday and head to the checkout. as we were walking there, he kept touching stuff and i kept repeating to him "christian, stop touching things and stay by me." all the way to checkout I said this and was getting irritated. my back, turned, for one moment and BAM. candy flew all over the floor!!!! he decided to touch something he wasn't suppose to touch and opened the top with all his might and out flew all the candy. I was embarrassed, so i quickly paid for the present and ran out the door, with christian following me. He kept saying he was sorry that it wasn't an accident. Then he asked if i was mad. I said in a more calmer voice than i am usually, "yes i'm mad. I know you're sorry, but i told you to stop touching stuff and you kept doing it and looked at what happened." I sighed and added "you're grounded til i say you can get out of your room." He was upset, but knew there were going to be consequences.
even ever since we've been home, he's been getting in trouble...because the rule is if you're grounded, you don't be opening your door, talking to anyone. he's secluded. and he's been doing that several times and i told him he was grounded for the rest of the night.
the problem is, no punishment that I do seems to be working. he still acts up. its so frustrating, heartbreaking, like i'm failing miserably....i know that NO parent wants to feel that way. leo was upset because he was grounded...he said he doesn't hardly ever get to spend time with him because he's grounded alot. i'm going out of my mind here!!! i've even told leo that i'm not dealing with his punishments anymore because he makes me feel like i'm being too hard on christian.
we've even tried to take away privileges, but all he really has is the t.v. he doesn't play on the computer, he doesn't hardly have any friends that come play with him...which breaks my heart. I don't feel like if we take away privileges that we're teaching him anything. oh goodness. leo and I have tried to set house rules and we don't seem to follow through with them. it's getting quite annoying actually.
let's just hope things get better before they get any worse!
Kristin
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2 comments:
It seams to me, that maybe you should try rewarding him first. If it seams your punishing him to much, start looking for the good things he does. Give him some responsibility around the house. Have him take out the bathroom garbage or vacuum the living room. Or if he makes his bed every day for a week, do a family activity day outside and play tag or Twister, or let him pick out a movie to rent. If he's bad at the store, he doesn't get a movie.
When my mom would take us places she'd give us something to do with our hands. If you have to take him to the store, try making him a bingo board with pictures on it of stuff you might see in the store. If he gets a blackout, you can make cookies when you get home. Or have him help you with your list.
Just keep trying. You'll find something that works. But I think if you give him some liberties, then you'll have differnt ways of punishing him if he acts out. Stick with it! Believe it or not, you're doing WAY better than a lot of other moms out there. I LOVE YOU!
Hey I totally had another idea. Draw a collum on some paper with his name on it. When he's bad you have to put a check mark in the collum. Every time he gets a check mark, he has to wash a plate, or a cup, by hand. When he gets 2 marks by his name, he does two dishes, 3 marks three dishes, and so on. When he gets to 5 then he gets a time out in his room.
Anyhow I just had to write that down somewhere cause I want to use it. When it's just you at home...it gets CRAZY. At least you have a son you can actually carry on a conversation with. But you know, it's not to bad. You just have to find some friends. I get my mom time when I go to Church and I can talk to other Adults. I'd try finding a friend at Church with kids close to your kids age and you can set up play dates...even if it's only once a month.
And give yourself a hobby. I can't stress that enough. If you've still got that Keyboard I gave you, start learning some piano basics. Google free piano theory and you should find some print ups you can use. Make sure all the kids have nap/quiet time at the same time and you go do something for yourself. It's not easy during winter cause you're confined to the house, but when summer comes you can take the kids on walks...and that is GREAT. Outside is the BEST medicine for cabin fever.
As far as finding time with your hubby, Stay up late if you have to, but do a date night at LEAST once a week. Even if that date is getting a redbox, and eating ice cream together. Dates don't have to be out of the house...the kids just have to be in bed.
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