Thursday, August 27, 2009

The title of "Mother"

You know, I have been thinking the past couple days about myself as the title of "mother". I just recently joined the application on facebook, called "circle of moms". What it's for is, you can ask questions about motherhood, give advice or criticism ( in a mature manner, of course) and just simply talk about fond memories, and I really like it. I've been getting good feedback on my advice and also on my concerns as a parent.

Stuff like this also makes me think of the times that I was pregnant with my kids. "I didn't know I was pregnant" with Hayden until 5 months into it. This is what I wrote to a mother asking other mothers of what we thought of motherhood. I quickly replied this:

"Gosh, I love being a mother! When I found out I was pregnant with my first, I cried really hard. Being 19 and a crazy partier, I felt like, what did I get myself into? I didn't feel like I was ready to jump into motherhood just yet. I knew I wanted kids, but dang, I wanted to live my carefree life...but that night, as I laid on the couch, I touched my stomach and felt her kick...ok backing up...i was 5 months pregnant when i found out...its a long long story, but it's one of those "i didn't know i was pregnant" things....anyways back on track....I felt her kick and it made me cry in happiness. She was letting me know she was there and saying "finally, you know I exist!" lol. I knew from that moment on that I couldn't not have the world that I wanted if I had given her up for adoption.
Now that's she's 3, she amazes me every single day. She's so full of energy and life and I could never imagine my life without her. like you said, "i feel like i can understand things that were once foreign to me". It's nice to know that i can give advice and my opinions on things that other moms need help on."

I also remember being pregnant with Noah and it seems so much worse with him. I actually had morning sickness ( i didn't have that with Hayden). It seemed like I ate a whole lot more...and I ate so much with Hayden. He was also alot more active.

Then becoming a step-mom took alot of courage from me. I was very scared. Like super duper scared. I thought being a mommy is the scariest thing...but being a step-mom is a whole lot scarier. In my case, I grew up with a terrible step-mom. Although to my face, she acted as though she loved me (most of the time), behind my back she despised me. She didn't care for me as my step-father did. I loved him. He was my hero.
I was always afraid that I would turn out like my step-mother. I have even cried to my step-son that I was afraid and begged him to never hate me and assured him that I loved him. He told me not to worry, that I was a really good mommy. That eased my mind a little, but still in the back of my mind I had that fear. Every day, I think about what little thing I could do to show him that I love him. I write him notes, I buy him his favorite know, little things of that nature, just to let him know I was thinking of him. He seems to like those. Even when we punish him, we have him repeat that the reason as to why we're punishing him is because we love him and want him to make right decisions. I'm not kidding...he repeats that every time he gets in parents punished me, put me down verbally and acted as though they didn't love me. you don't do that as parents. I want to make things right for my kids.

so as I sit here, thinking about being a mother, I realize how truly blessed I am. God has given me 3 beautiful, smart, funny kids and I could not ask for anything more wonderful!



Mike and Marisa Compton said...

I needed this post today. All day I've been saying, I picked a bad day to be the mom. Thanks for reminding me why I wanted to be a mom. Love ya!

Keith said...

You're awesome, you know that? Just from reading that you can tell that you are a wonderful mother and your kids are very lucky to have you. I can't wait to start my own family!